Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had to cum in my sink.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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