My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
