So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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