Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
