Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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