and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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