dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
