I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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