dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
