Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
