Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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