it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
