East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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