and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
