do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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