the new term for farting is butt boxing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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