There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
