Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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