How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My penis needs a shock collar
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
