I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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