Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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