I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
