to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
