There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize