She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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