Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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