tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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