Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
