I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
