Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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