Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
