just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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