She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
