it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
