I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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