Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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