im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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