in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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