i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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