I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
