I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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