Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
