I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
