This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
