He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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