He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize