How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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