You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
