do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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