What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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