Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
