people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and she was petting her beer can
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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