I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
