don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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