I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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