Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
