Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
