They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
