Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
