I have demons in me.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
