I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
