Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
