Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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