So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
