Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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