how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
