I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
