i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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