I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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