I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What drink are we having for lunch?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
