4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
