What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
