I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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